Okay, Queens. Are you ready to be worshipped? Are you ready to be exulted? Then you are ready to take a ride on the Magic Mike Express to get all your needs fulfilled.
I have to preface this by saying that I had no idea that this movie was going to be as extraordinary as it was. And it was. EXTRAORDINARY.
Gone is the backstory about the seedy underworld of stripping. Gone are the jokes about overweight women hurting strippers' backs. Gone is Matthew McConaughey. This movie is all about women and what these boys can do to make them smile.
Honestly, that's basically it. Or at least, that's the part that matters. Yeah, there's a bit of plot about how each of them is going to start pursuing their dreams after this last performance together (which is not even a competition, the stakes in this movie COULD NOT be lower), but that part is so unbelievably unimportant, I'm not even really going to discuss it.
All you really need to know is that if you support women and women's pleasure, then this movie is right up your alley. The whole movie, through every dance number, is about appealing to women. They are giving women what they want and it's a beautiful thing.
Everyone in this movie is giving it everything they've got. Most of the film seems ad-libbed which makes the scenes between numbers particularly strange and awkward, but somehow it works. Our boys are back and they kick ass, we have a newcomer in Jada Pinkett Smith who makes every single lady feel special, and we have amazingly crazy routines that will have you jumping in your seat.
The weakest link was a forced romance between Channing Tatum and Amber Heard. The whole movie could have done without it. The strongest links were the boys Voguing with drag queens, Big Dick Richie attempting to put a smile on a checkout girl's face, all of the closing numbers, and a reprise of "Pony."
What's interesting is how different the reaction to male strippers is to female strippers. My whole theatre was cheering and laughing and even sometimes covering our eyes from sheer shock (see one of the final numbers set to "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails for more information). Had this movie been about female strippers, I feel like everything would have been darker, seedier, and scarier. The men wouldn't have been laughing and covering their eyes. They would have been pawing at their prey.
And that's why we need this movie so badly.
We need a movie that can celebrate women and women's sexuality in a way that's so rarely celebrated. We need a movie where we can laugh and cheer for our fellow women who are getting what they want. And we need a movie where there are men who understand why this is necessary.
That's what this movie is. It's a celebration filled with Backstreet Boys routines and an artisanal frozen yogurt truck.
Go see this movie with your friends, Queens. You deserve it.