I run anxious like some people run hot or cold. Most things are catastrophic in my mind. The second I make a mistake, I relegate myself to a lifetime of failures (yeah, the self-esteem is also a bit wacky). I’m anxious at work, I’m anxious at home, I’m anxious when I’m with loved ones. This anxiety has reduced over the years due to various reasons, but every so often I’m hit like a punch to the gut with overwhelming stomach-churning anxiety and sometimes all I can do is try to distract myself. Lately, I’ve been distracting myself with a podcast. It’s not my usual pop culture or comedy podcast. It’s actually a podcast about murder. Real life murders. True crime. And it’s hilarious.
Despite being scared of most things, I’m not all that scared of death. I figure, if it’s coming for me, it’s coming. I will do my best to avoid it, but I’m not going to think about it all day, especially when I have more pressing things to think about like accidentally missing a comma on a proofread and then wanting to set myself on fire because of it. So it’s pretty interesting that I’ve fallen head over heels for a podcast that has two hosts who are deathly afraid of being murdered… despite being obsessed with murder.
“My Favorite Murder” (it took a lot of effort not to put that extra “u” in there) is hosted by comedians and podcasters Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. Each week they tell their favourite murders in every grisly detail (there is much gasping). Despite the show’s dark subject matter, the podcast is incredibly hilarious. Karen and Georgia see the lighter side of murder in the least offensive ways possible. Like, they feel really bad that people get murdered, you guys, they’re just fascinated by the how’s and why’s. I don’t think I’d actually be able to listen to the show if it were a “serious” true crime show. Georgia and Karen tell their murder stories like we’re all gathered at a slumber party or around a campfire. They’re scary but told in an easy and accessible way, without all the grimness that’s usually surrounded by murder. They react to each other’s story with horrified gasps and witty, very cross-stichable quips and advice like “Don’t get stabbed in the head,” “You’re in a cult, call your Dad,” and “She was missing as fuck.” That levity makes the horror stories practically palatable.
Of course, I’m thrilled to be listening to a podcast hosted by two women. When I went through my roster of favourite podcasts, I was frankly embarrassed by how few had female hosts. I already have men’s thoughts in my head all day long because of SOCIETY, why am I actively adding to that by listening to only male-based podcasts? I need people like Karen and Georgia in my head, people who are far more relatable by virtue of the fact that we’re all women, and also because they’re both so damn charming and exciting to listen to. They’re both so passionate about murder that you start to forget that it’s a topic that most people don’t usually talk about with such energy and enthusiasm. However, if things ever get too dark, Georgia’s cat will pipe in to lighten the mood.
Despite knowing now the many, many ways my life could be snatched away from me, I honestly feel less stressed, mostly because I only really need to follow two rules to survive and thrive: stay sexy, and don’t get murdered. Byyyyeeeeeeeee.