I had a cold over the weekend that I am still recovering from. However, for two days straight, I sequestered myself in my apartment, a stack of New York Times magazines in front of me, my Sonos playlist loaded up with podcasts, my iBooks account bursting with new novels, Netflix firing at all cylinders playing The Crown, and Lara Croft leaping about on my PlayStation.
All this to say, when I relax, I relax hard.
It's very tough for me to have nothing to do. I'm constantly doing multiple things at once and when I'm sick, I'm put into a position of not only having limited brain capacity, but also not being able to move my body out the door like I'd want to. I'm stuck and nothing makes me want to do things more than when I can't.
I had plenty to keep me occupied and yet I felt like I should have been doing more with my time. What exactly? I'm not sure, but I knew I could have been putting it to better use. This. Is. Nuts. Minor inconvenient illnesses like the common cold are a good excuse to put you out of commission for a couple of days with no major consequences and when you can allow yourself to do nothing. I don't like allowing myself to do nothing. Even what looks like relaxing, reading the paper, listening to podcasts, playing video games, are just things to tick off a list, to say that I did them, to be constantly ingesting pop culture and current events while simultaneously having "fun".
What would it look like if I allowed myself actual relaxation? To turn off my Internet connection (which did happen last week when I fried my modem. Turns out, I don't do well sans Wifi), lie on the couch and do ONE THING if anything at all... would I even enjoy that? Maybe relaxation is having my Twitter feed going in one hand, the New Yorker in the other and "My Favorite Murder" playing in the background, and maybe I have to be okay with that. Next cold, though, I'll totally take a break. Maybe.